Saturday, October 11, 2008


As fan of the 80's GI JOE cartoon series, I like the over the top villains, the cheesy but still cool themes, the colorful costumed characters and the over the top devices used to threaten mankind ( The Weather Dominator , The Mass Device , The Triangle of Darkness ....Fucking grade A stuff ) all of these silly things work in a cartoon series or a comic book because fans of both mediums expect a little Bullshit with their entertainment.

It's what kept John Favreau's Ironman from battling A 50 story FING FANG FOOM in purple underpants in the movies or Brian Singer's Xmen From fighting Magneto on Asteroid M. It's because their are just some things that do not belong in films.

and when it comes to GI JOE it just doesn't work.

here's what I mean:

General Hawk in the cartoon, with his Jet pack , shooting lasers beams at the enemy looks perfectly at home in the cartoon world.

( go get em Soldier )

Now Here's Dennis Quad as the same character

He looks like a crotchety old fart devoid of any excitement. an unoriginal, uninspiring boring uniform on a haggered Hollywood actor looking to cash in on one last sad

I could go down the roster of characters VS cast members but just looking at the movie cast (Marlon Wayne) in their Batman begins suits , But I already covered that a few months ago (CLICK HERE TO SEE THAT POST)

Studios need to think do people really want to see this before sinking a wad of cash into a movie based on a 80's cartoon that to be honest had some fun episodes but really didn't have enough material to make a live action TV series out of let alone a big budget Hollywood feature.

Paramount pictures should can this now and cut their losses.
( sink the remainder of their movie budget into a sweet Joe game Ala army of two )

Just for shits and giggles , here's the intro to the REAL Gi joe movie intro.



  1. You can say that the Japanese are sexist if they show a woman parachuting and the camera view goes up her inseam, but when it's in GIJoe its just homoerotic.

  2. Cobra lalalalalalalalalalalala!That movie was the shit. Did Destro ever bang the Baroness?

  3. Going with the S&M idea, we probably have two narrow, Hollywood script style answers. One - She knees him in the balls when he makes a pass at her. Two - She immediately becomes docile and submits.

  4. ANY CHARACTER can be made into a successful movie. Dark Knight was a gripping crime thriller about a guy with a flying batsuit, shuriken, and other improbable gadgets.

    Its about finding the heart and soul of what made the original resonant (what its really "about"), and adapting it to the times. Most filmmakers don't have the sense of nuance and tone to pull this off. GI JOE (also, Marvel's the Punisher) was very much a product of the ass-kickin' Reagen Era, and would require someone smart enough to filter it's goofy gadgetry and idealistic patriotism through a post 9/11 lens.